Saturday, December 20, 2008

boys i have kissed first kiss. first love. 9th grade, slow-dancing in someone's basement. "so that's it?"...was pretty much what i thought. he was a class officer and i was a cheerleader--when that was over so were we, but he broke my heart and i didn't get over him for maybe three years. first missionary. nice boy who wore corrective shoes because one leg was shorter than the other. he was two years older than i. born in England. his parents were the cemetery caretakers. our song..."Sugar." he gave me a gold heart-shaped watch that hung on as a necklace and a leather-bound triple combination with my name engraved on it.

breck...super smart and a little dorky. leading man in all of the plays and musicals in high school. one year older. my second missionary. he took me to see THE CHERRY ORCHARD, a play by Anton Chekhov. i considered him a possible spouse and he inspired me to be my best. he gave me a piece of wedgewood and limoges...both sitting on my dresser. first summer at BYU. del was from Florida, my age and missing his left thumb due to a farming accident. whenever we went to the movies i made sure to sit on the thumb side. del loved to kiss and so did i. when life felt a little boring i always went out with del. he went on a mission and that was the end of that.

neil...another boy from the South that i met at BYU. reddish-blonde hair, returned missionary and for some reason wasn't wearing his garments. he said he had a skin condition, but i was suspect of that. fun, but a little too eager. he gave me the man and woman statue on my dresser that i hang jewelry from.

kim...from Seattle. his mother wrote "popcorn popping" and he took me to a dance at BYU where i dressed up in a white lacey dress with a full skirt. it was a one night kissin' in the car after the dance and that was it. he had a twin and they were in our university ward. he used me for a smooching session and i was not really ok with it.

larry...27 and a masher. i sported whisker burns from this dude. he had a moustache. cranky with noisy little kids in the movie house. played BYU rugby. took me to meet his mother in Salt Lake. we attended the Provo temple dedication together and he said, "i can picture you in white." that was the end for me. he did take me tubing on the snow and i still have a scar on the outside of my left wrist from holding on to him going down the hill and hitting the ground with that wrist at each bump. on that particular day i remember being embarrassed when he told me after i commented on how beautiful the scenery was, "you're the most beautiful thing here." looking back it sounds sweet, but at the time i felt dumb.

brian...another BYU boy from Palo Alto, California. he wore socks with his sandals. he looked a little Italian to me. nice enough, but i knew he was shopping for a wife. i was always being interviewed which i found quite intriguing. my height, nice, smart and a good guy. something about the way he breathed through his nose was a little weird. somehow i thought my family would not pass the test.

jerry...a good guy. faithful, kind, fun, buff...a believer in everything i cared about but most important a believer in me. i admit I KISSED HIM...his lips were just irresistible. i kissed him mid-sentence and he just kept on talking. i could tell he was ruffled which made me laugh on the inside, but just grin on the out. by far the very best kisser..."i could drink a case of you darlin' and still be on my feet, and still be on my feet."


Friday, December 19, 2008

i love the snow

i walked outside tonight and it was magic.

all alone, boots squeaking on freshly fallen snow. little if any traffic. quiet, dark, dull gray sky, perfect.

i made a snow angel in my neighbors back yard. her mother died last month and i thought maybe she would look out of her kitchen window while she is doing the dishes and see that her mother has not forgotten about her.

there is magic and mystery walking alone with a slight falling snow and lots of fresh powder on the ground. i had to chuckle to myself several times as i slid around walking the streets. i knew i could fall, but mostly i didn't want to injure a knee coming down hard on it.

somehow i felt close to God...and that made the night perfect.


Monday, October 20, 2008

what the heck...i admit it...i'm dang proud

to be an american

to have parents that stayed together when they were sick of the whole thing

of my pioneer heritage

to have a handsome father devoted to providing for his family...he being filled with integrity

to have a beautiful mother devoted to her husband first and being a good sport

to have five siblings that i adore

that i married a good man that makes me laugh and loves me always

that i married the temple...and have brought eight amazing children into this world

that i breast fed each of those babies and loved them completely

that i graduated from BYU

that i grow amazing roses and bring them in the house to fill the spaces with fragrant beauty

that i rode my bike 300 miles through the Rockies when i was 35

to play the organ for sacrament meeting

that the walls of my home are filled with gorgeous color, and pictures of those that i love, and things that mean something to me

to be able to think for myself --yes i did vote for Ron Paul

that four of my sons have served missions

that their wives are good women who care about real things and i love them as if they were mine

that my sweet girls are devoted to their husbands

to be a good friend who cares to remember my friend's birthdays

that i am can count on me

i know how to budget, cook, clean, and efficiently run a household

to have painted a family tree on the wall

that we don't owe anyone any money

that i eat 8-11 fruits and veggies every day

to be able to workout often during the week

that i am confident on a horse

that i have a testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ

(proud does sound vain and puffed up, but without a doubt i am blessed and grateful beyond expression)


Tuesday, September 16, 2008


I am: thankful and blessed
I think: people are good
I know: i can improve
I want: to be a forever family
I have: everything that matters
I dislike: phony-baloney
I miss: my mother, having my kids fill up these beds at night
I fear: pain
I feel: content and happy
I hear: the grandfather clock ticking
I smell: my watermelon burp
I crave: love
I cry: all the time...but, mostly because of nie
I usually: play on my computer
I search: for meaning all over the place
I wonder: why candidates lie
I regret: being selfish
I wish: i could live many more places
I love: my family
I care: to be dependable
I always: look on the bright side
I worry: not too much
I am not: energetic
I remember: firsts
I believe: that i am a queen
I sing: all the time
I don't always: kneel when i pray
I argue: because it feels good (sometimes)
I write: about what i think
I listen: to what people don't say
I don't understand: the economy, war, killing, eating meat, math, lots and lots of stuff
I can usually be found: at home
I need: understanding
I forget: soooo much
I am happy: almost all of the time


these are the days


1. Did you date someone from your school? a matter of fact those were the only boys i was exposed to.

2. What kind of car did you drive? my dad bought a little white mustang with black top, black stripes on the hood and red seats. i drove it most of my senior year.

3. What was the most embarrassing moment of HS? no single moment stands out...but, i hated to have other kids correct my test papers if the grade was poor.

4. Were you a party animal? a closely supervised, 11 o'clock curfew party animal.

5. Were you considered a flirt? i grinned a lot if i liked a that flirting?

6. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Choir.

7. Were you a nerd? no...i worked hard at trying to "fit in."

8. Were you on any varsity teams? no...girls were not involved in sports at all way back when.

9. Did you get suspended/expelled? heck no!

10. Can you still sing the fight song? oh, bountiful we're proud of you and of your red and gray. we'll fight for you we'll la-tee-da- and cheer you as you play. la-dum- tee-da....

11. Who were your favorite teachers? Mr. Briscoe...Mr. Burningham...a good English teacher

12. Where did you sit during lunch? in the lunchroom.

13. School mascot? Braves.

14. Did you go to homecoming, and with who? 10th, some guy...threw up the battered fried shrimp when i got home. 11th i can't remember, 12th probably breck.

15. If you could go back and do it again, would you? no way.

16. What do you remember most about graduation? i remember walking across the stage to get my diploma and the theme song from "Mame" started playing. I was in that musical my senior year so I thought that was fun. I also remember throwing my cap as far and as hard as I could and not understanding all of the tears.

17. Where did you go senior skip day? a group of girls went to the great salt lake to go swimming. i had just shaved my legs and the salt water stung like crazy.

18. Were you in any clubs? pep club, drill team

19. Have you gained some weight since then? oh for sure.

20. Who was your prom date? i can't remember, but i loved my dress

21. Are you planning on going to your 10 year reunion? i go to all of the reunions...even when i lived out of state.

22. Looking back, what advice would you give yourself? you are as cute, nice, fun and smart as any of those and have fun. but then, that is what my parents told me.


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

tender mercies

Gratitude is born in hearts that take time to count up past mercies.

Charles E. Jefferson


Saturday, April 26, 2008

i believe her

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller


Friday, April 18, 2008

dare to try

Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.

William Shakespeare


Tuesday, April 8, 2008

i am shedding

"A man is rich in proportion to the things he can let alone."

-Henry David Thoreau


Sunday, January 27, 2008