Saturday, January 30, 2010

four sons and daughters-i-love



one shiny day
December









four sons
their sweethearts
chosen eternal love
met
Temple bound

once little boys
paper routes
running
chasing
laughing
teasing
punching

the brothers
now
full-grown
men

offering
support
caring
helpful
forever friends




...

Friday, January 29, 2010

bird boy



they call him
when he walks through the door
he speaks
they listen
he holds them
stroking with whispers
"chevy, chevy, chevy"
the bird woman
birthed
a bird boy







...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

once upon a time




he finds a photo
Thanksgiving
North Hollywood
our first baby
just months old

we were kids
doing grown up things
believing
trusting
living love, happy
so happy

now
much further down the road
just about
played out

contented joy
believing
trusting
richer, deeper
we chose love



...

Wednesday, January 27, 2010



(273-281)

*crocheted a lovely burgundy flower
*roomy warm sweatshirt
*Barbacoa burrito
*toasty feet
*phone call
*Dimple Dell drive
*hug from son
*kiss from daughter
*kindness


...

not to worry...




sometimes i'm just not up to
it
wanting to disappear
invisible
looking around
feeling undone
coming unraveled
trying
but,
not
quite
there




...

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

metamorphosis




silver threads
among the gold
changing
slowly, surely

appearance whispers
grammy
hands
face
neck
legs
me

embrace what matters
children
their children
solid sense of self
dear heart
seeds sown bearing wonderful fruit

silver threads
among the gold
you are beautiful to me



...

Sunday, January 24, 2010

darling hearts






these are my grand-daughters
eternal offspring
tender shoots springing up
filled with promise
beloved by me and mine
daughters of God



...

Saturday, January 23, 2010

last night



there were tears
provoked
i was surprised
this girl with the red boots
eager to do grown up things
must wait
to grow up


...

Thursday, January 21, 2010

pericope






a restless night
losing sleep
all because
i was called to be the reader
in class

silly
i read all of the time
to myself
but in a microphone
looking up references
for the instructor
seems different

i'm not scared
just a little self-conscious
but then again
that word SELF
can really be a hurdle

so, i read
it wasn't perfect
just like me
but then again
it was plenty good
and, it looks like i'll be reading
again next week





...

squidgy




sometimes he hides
squeezes between colored orbs
"is he dead or stuck?"

wanting a little privacy
rest
maybe

conjecture and questions
when you live life
in a fish bowl


...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

knitted love




thirty-five years ago
carefully selected yarn
bulging profile
yearning
my firstborn soon to arrive

a baby soft blanket
every stitch with you in mind
we had never met
but, i was already consumed
loving you

i never could complete the gift
transfered to a metal coat hanger
carefully
patiently waiting
not one purl to be lost

then yesterday
a dream reminded me
unfinished love
i now possessed the skill
to finish

too late to wrap you
still snowy white
ready to receive
prepared to love
completed


...

Monday, January 18, 2010

stake conference






i flirted with the idea

stay home
you won't be missed
take a break
but,
why flirt
you always go
you made up your mind a long time ago

"eye hath not seen,
nor ear heard-
neither have entered into the heart of man,
the things which God hath prepared
for them that love him"

unseeing eyes filled
ears strained to comprehend
heart filled to overflow

"But his word was in mine heart
as a burning fire
shut up in my bones..."
i felt
that

because i went
my lacking cup
filled


1 Corinthians 2:9
Jeremiah 20:9




...

Saturday, January 16, 2010

broken Haiti




this problem is so big
world upheaval
feels overwhelming
paralyzed
left to short glances

if i look hard
i will have to feel
weep
hopeless helpless
reminded
never to complain

the rescue
needed
long before
this


No man is an island
No man stands alone
Each man's joy is joy to me
Each man's grief is my own


We need one another
So i will defend
Each man as my brother
Each man as my friend.

Joan Baez is to be applauded for the lyrics and song, but note that the lyrics are an allusion to Meditation XVII, by John Donne (1572-1631). It is the same piece from which Ernest Hemingway took the title of his novel For Whom the Bell Tolls (... therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.) 



...

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

wondering




each night
when all is hushed
lights off
quiet breathing
face slacking
sleep stealing

i wander

did He lead me this day
did i listen
what will i do better

usually satisfied
usually sorry
always striving
easily distracted

wondering

why settle
why
when the feast beckons


...

Monday, January 11, 2010

Bonnee



"mother dear"
i would call out

she was adopted
her mother hemorrhaged giving her life
March 1 1935
a birthday and a death day
no other siblings

her mother's sister
took her home
then
she became youngest of four

grew up in Salt Lake
met George
eloped to Evanston at 17
raised six children
Bountiful
and Farmington

just facts

 but, she was real
fun
warm
quick to fire up
loved to hose down a driveway
squeaky clean

mother dear
 tough
devoted
good

not so long gone


...

Sunday, January 10, 2010

still dark outside




some days i just don't want to go
free from responsibility
lazy
tired
self-absorbed

some days i just want to be left alone
quiet
thinking
wondering
self-absorbed

some days i just want to stay in bed
warm
stretching
searching for a cool spot
self-absorbed

i've tried those some days
they rarely add up
to joy
accomplishment
love

so today
i'll get up
show up
reach out
never to have a some day



...

Friday, January 8, 2010

Psalm 127






Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD...
happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them.


There never was a girl born more blessed that I.




...

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Isaiah 52:7



these are my feet
i love them
sweetie thinks they're my worst feature
i beg to disagree

when i was little
i distinctly remember
plopping them up inside the tub
and taking joy
in soaping them up really good

they are my dad's feet
we call that toe
the hungry toe

for ten years or eight
i have worn a CTR ring
on that hungry toe
it never comes off

they are always cold


How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!


(sweetie read this post and he takes it all back..."you have no bad features." that's what you get after 36 years. i love him.)


...

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

i'm trying




To be interested in the changing seasons
is a happier state of mind
than to be hopelessly in love with spring.
George Santayana


Usually I wade through January and mid-February with lead shoes. All extremities are cold and I take hot baths and relish my electric blanket. Well, today after reading this quote I intend to embrace this amazing season just for those very reasons. Thankful for a hot soak in the tub, evenings that beckon me to bed at an earlier hour, hot soup, and a little extra reading time. 


First thing in the morning...the photo above is what I see looking out of my bedroom windows. But, always when I wake up it is still very dark outside. The photo below is what I see when I look in the mirror. The wedding and the holidays took their toll, but let's be honest...I would look pretty haggard anyway. My eyes are still red indicating that I am not getting enough sleep. Dang, it's getting harder and harder to fix up plus I had no idea I had an asymmetrical mouth!





Me in the morning!
I wear reading glasses.




...

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

veil



within the veil
preparing
somewhat seeing
hearing
to emerge
be revealed

holy separation
mortal
immortal
all must pass through
the veil

Luis Salvador Carmona (1708–1767) artist



...

Monday, January 4, 2010

not just another day



Blow, blow thou winter wind
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude.
William Shakespeare



(259-272)

* the Boise family safely arrived home
* sitting close at church
* grilled cheese and ham to send them on their way
* "touched you last"
* children yelling farewells from disappearing car
* ability to take down last tree
* toasty bed
* Primary
* kitty purrs
* he waits in line early morning for the reservation
* grapefruit
* oatmeal
* fresh start
* she has the courage to apologize


...

Friday, January 1, 2010

2010





much of Christmas
packed in sturdy boxes
hauled to basement
stored

most of the edible sweets
vanished
leaving me tired
we're all tired

we celebrated
shared memories
laughed
loved

a fresh start
regroup
rest
prioritize

mental list of goals
short
doable
energizing

i will need His help
these goals
keep me humble
reaching

"Come unto me, all ye that labour, and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest" —Matthew 11:28.



...