Sunday, November 29, 2009

complete



the most i could ever hope for
my heart's desire
always
to enjoy each other

to really truly care
show up
sacrifice
delight in

a mother's dream
my fondest wish
always to be friends
come true


(my eight children...photo taken in August at David's wedding)

...

Saturday, November 28, 2009

the mask



did you ever wish
you had a mask
perpetual smile
no matter what?

heavy hearts
worry
thorny paths
masked

but then
there would be the
missing

reaching
humility
surrender
God

throw away the mask
you are enough
perfect
trying

masks are for theater
holidays
pretend

they get heavy
sweaty
obscure vision

we are about real
authentic
becoming


illustration by IRISZ AGOCS
...

Friday, November 27, 2009

my boys








these are the guys
the smiles
easy to love

it doesn't matter what i'm doing
when they walk through the door
my world stops
i'm there

"can i fix you something to eat"
"what's up"
"drive safely"

no one prepared me
i honestly had no idea
but
i should have known

my mother behaved the same way
adoring the men in her life



...

Thursday, November 26, 2009

3:48 AM









it was just a dream
a bad one
i decide to check on you
round the corner
only your white hair
blue eyes
barely visable
mostly submerged
looking for help

it was just a dream
that woke me pre-dawn
i jumped in the water
overshot the jump
snatched you up

only a dream
you were two
maybe three
"don't swim without me"
you nod
"do you know how many times
i've pulled you out"
i hold up four fingers

even though a dream
i'm sick inside
sleep has fled
i want to bawl
you looked so helpless

the dream evaporates
i pray
so thankful
it was just a dream


(note...two separate times i have jumped in the water to pull out totally submerged little kids. both times i was fully dressed...once in a pond; the other time a swimming pool...neither of those kids were mine...so scary)

...

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

thankful



(218-240)

* my Boise family is coming to town
* i get to cook the special dinner
* my health is perfect
* children love to gather here
* my feet are warm
* abundance surrounds me
* she brought home pumpkin bread
* she can apologize
* he forgives
* the breeze cleared the valley
* maria helps me
* blessings rain
* toast
* tweety is sleeping here
* showing the girls how to knit
* he makes fires
* America
* freedom fighters
* missionaries
* scriptures
* honest hearts
* morning

...

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

faces in a crowd






to a bystander
just faces in a crowd
but
i see
hopes...dreams...hearts

to be God
and love every face
is to sacrifice
your Son



...

Monday, November 23, 2009

Sunday, November 22, 2009

this bed









this is the bed
where all have gathered
as long as i can remember
children come here

days ups and downs revisited
sometimes enveloped
more often perched
laughter
 jokes
we make plans

somehow it is like king's X
safe
at day's end
ollie ollie in free

now grandchildren come
squeeze in

this holy place
of consecrated love
made visible
to offer real rest
from worldly care













...

Saturday, November 21, 2009

"Twilight" ignites



funny, no?

Dear Jonathan in Aberdeen:

If somehow you were able to understand the appeal of these books to women; you would have an edge on most men in this world.

While it is true that these books are not great literary achievements. It is also important to note that the imagination found within their pages makes them fun for most women/young women to read. As my daughter-in-law Melissa so aptly pointed out...IT'S FANTASY.

So, Jonathan, I can see that you have an engaging sense of humor by looking at this photo. If you must keep yourself warm I would suggest that you abandon the idea of burning books and embrace literally "a hunk, a hunk, of burning love." Which is more than Edward Cullen would ever be able to offer.

Sincerely,

Cristie Clark Carter

...

what if?


the wind in howling
chimes clanging
trash cans tipped over
strewn in back yard

Christmas is coming
it's December 1
pumpkin spice candle burns
a few reminders displayed

my computer crashed
sweetie let's me borrow his
it makes me cranky
i am too plugged in

...

abc's



kitchen wall
remind wisely

words
but much more

now
opportunity laden

attributes
making a lovely life

to be wise
type and shadow

to die at night
and rise anew

born each day
to try

photo by alison carter brasher
...

Thursday, November 19, 2009

ten years ago



we were in the temple
lights flickered
that was all
no other indication

katie and ed
receiving endowment
safe
holy
peace

outside
gnarly dark mess
twisted uprooted trees
blowy dark erie

that august day
visible, tangible reminder
dependable safety
always
inside

Daniel 3:15-18


SALT LAKE CITY (AP)(8-11-99)- A rare tornado touched down without warning Wednesday in the downtown area, killing one person and injuring more than 100.
The black, swirling cloud struck about 1 p.m., uprooting trees and temporary buildings set up for a retailers convention. It also damaged the roofs of the 8-year-old, 20,000-seat Delta Center, home of the Utah Jazz, and the Salt Palace Convention Center. Windows were blown out at the nearby Wyndham Hotel.
Ken Connaughton, spokesman for Mayor Deedee Corradini, said there was one confirmed dead and more than 100 hurt. Earlier, he had said there were four dead but later he said that was erroneous.
Chris Garcia of the city fire department said his people had transported about 25 people, seven critically injured.
John Dwan, University of Utah Hospital spokesman, told MSNBC that two people were in critical condition there, plus 10 with lesser injuries including severe cuts. More patients were likely to come in, he said.
He said he was expecting a thunderstorm as he drove back to work from lunch. "Then it got really dark ... and I said 'Boy, that is one of the biggest thunderstorms I've ever seen. Then it started swirling. You could see it swirling."
Dwan recalled that he thought the approaching storm looked like a tornado, then he thought, "Nah, that couldn't be a tornado, we don't get those here."
Bill Alder, meteorologist in charge of the National Weather Service, confirmed that the location of the tornado was unusual. He said the state experiences only two tornados in a typical year.
The downtown area looked like a disaster zone with trucks overturned, power lines down, windows blown out, shards of glass everywhere, and police and firefighters attending to dozens of injured. Helicopters were landing to ferry injured to hospitals.
The streets were littered with debris from the outdoor retailer show at the Salt Palace, which was evacuated because of a gas leak. It was not known how many people, if any, were trapped beneath the beams of the collapsed tents used by the convention.
Dan Groff of San Diego, attending the retailers convention, said he saw several critically injured people in the area around the huge main tent.
"I helped one guy who had a beam fall on him. His knees were buckled under his chest. It just crushed him," Groff said, adding that he could not detect a pulse.
Robert Stock of Toronto, a sales representative for a rock-climbing company, said he saw the roof of the Delta Center lift up when the tornado passed over.
"It peeled it right back, just like an orange peel," he said.
David Gross, an exhibitor from Sudbury, Mass., was inside the Salt Palace, watching the tornado through a door. It resembled billowing black smoke.
"There was lots of thunder and wind," he said. "The roof opened and it ripped off a door. It was over in 15 or 20 seconds but it seemed like a lot longer than that. Everything was shaking and shaking."
Crowds of people gathered on streetcorners to watch the funnel cloud over the Mormon Church's historic Salt Lake Temple.
Heavy hail the size of marbles preceded and followed the tornado. The weather service said that at 12:41 p.m., spotters reported a severe thunderstorm with 1 1/2-inch-diameter hail over the southern end of the Salt Lake Valley in the suburb of Herriman. Other strong and possible severe thunderstorms were reported in the area and in Davis County to the north.
Gary Morgan of Vancouver, Wash., was setting up a booth at the retailers convention.
"The building just started to flutter, then it became more intense until the structures were coming down and things were just flying through," Morgan said, adding that at least a dozen people he saw were bleeding.


...

    Wednesday, November 18, 2009

    solid true



    so, here we are
    approaching forever
    this is what commitment looks like
    the leap of faith

    had i known then
    what i know now
    it would have been a piece of cake

    wanting a guarantee

    i trusted you
    with my forever and always
    taking the terrible awful chance
    never looking back

    your promise
    "you will never be sorry"
    a sincere declaration
    backed up with covenant

    if you give your all
    and i do the same
    synergy
    complete
    fulfillment
    so it is


    photo by alison carter brasher


    ...

    Tuesday, November 17, 2009

    Ray Charles



    spring
    1974
    i was offered a job
    to work for this man
    his
    personal secretary

    i interviewed
    the offer came the next day
    i declined
    "no thank you"

    why no?
    i went home
    talked it over with sweetie
    it just didn't feel right

    even when i typed
    took dictation
    answered questions
    drove from Studio City
    to Los Angeles
    i wondered
    "what in the heck am i doing here"

    for starters
    we were a one car family
    sweetie needed that car more than i
    Los Angeles was too far
    find work in "the valley"

    but,
    interviewing for that job...
    well, i'll never forget

    just a small town girl
    from Bountiful
    sitting in that big fancy office
    gold albums on the walls
    not a white person in sight
    but me



    (favorite Ray Charles song..."You Don't Know Me" sung with Diana Krall)

    ...

    Monday, November 16, 2009

    jewelry



    ok, i admit it
    hopefully it won't reach problem proportions
    my dilemma

    ...can a girl have too much jewelry...
    a rhetorical question
    i wait to tire of bling with no success

    let's see
    four necklaces
    one neck
    a slight problem
    easily fixed
    we'll just stack and layer

    there

    a bird...fitting
    birthstone...peridot
    a bee for the queen
    stones from the earth

    luckily ten fingers
    wrists
    ears
    anklets and toes
    trinkets, jewels and gems galore

    is it redundant to say
     jewelry makes my day?


    photo alison carter brasher


    ...

    Sunday, November 15, 2009

    my dear ones--minus one



    here they are
    minus one
    the love that got me out of bed each day

    here they are
    full of life
    with so much life to live

    each face reminds me
    girl in denim...delightful
    white collared girl...distracted and singing
    airplanes on chest...earnest
    baby..."what the heck"
    yellow socks...responsible
    boy in suit...man around house
    blue shirt and tie...his tormentor

    the sum of each
    the joy of all


    (this photo was taken shortly after moving to SLC...sissy born '92)

    ...

    Friday, November 13, 2009

    one of my favorite places



    Y do i get goosebumps when i enter your stadium?
    Y is your fudge the best i ever tasted?
    Y does the hourly bell still ring sweet?
    Y do i dream about the HFAC?
    Y
    Stephen Covey
    Truman Madsen
    Charles Metten
    Kresimir Cosic
    faithful bishops
    great friends
    games
    theater
    classes
    Angel Flight
    concerts
    memories memories memories

    Jerry Carter
    Julius Caesar
    we grew in love here
    and boy howdy did we ever have fun

    Y
    first time
    away from home
    pretty much
    on my own
    life expanding experiences
    parents provided
    heaven on earth
    i will always be thankful

    too strong to say
    BYU
    amazing


    photo by lizzie carter



    ...

    Wednesday, November 11, 2009

    my washer



    never take for granted
    dirty going in
    clean coming out

    rather remarkable
     turn of a faucet
    brings hot or cold

    over the years
    gallons of water
    boxes of soap
    electricity sucked up

    so, which is it?
    the dirtiest kids
    or the cleanest kids
    because
    that machine rarely rests


    (194-217)

    *my washer
    *my dryer
    *hot and cold running water
    *plentiful soap
    *electricity
    *a back that bends
    *hands that work properly
    *i can see colors
    *Julie's generous offer
    *Janet's yummy rolls
    *Linda shares her talents
    *Cindy's preparation and energy
    *BJ's generous offer
    *friendly smiles
    *lunch with my sweet girls today
    *gift pillow on porch
    *everything tastes so good to me
    *ann's post about farming
    *body image fireside
    *note from Elizabeth
    *spoke to my out of town girls today
    *stage play with Sam and Melissa
    *Joseph has a great laugh
    *David's surprise visit

    ...

    Tuesday, November 10, 2009

    audree



    March, 1955
    i have a new sister
    Audree

    while it is fact
    this sweet addition
    has blessed my entire life

    it is also true
    she is beyond compare
    her virtues unmatched

    selfless and caring
    tender hearted, thoughtful
    hard worker
    really truly good
    through and through

    which could be irritating
    if you're not

    her birthday
    her being
    was a gift to me
    always


    ...

    Monday, November 9, 2009

    Nathan George Clark



    i used to ask
    which son resembles him
    "oh, he was more handsome than any of his boys"
    gone when i was three
    polygamist
    two wives
    my grandma--his second
    she birthed thirteen children
    my father--his youngest
    and his name sake

    brother to Annie Clark Tanner
    A Mormon Mother
    son of Ezra T. Clark and Susan Leggett
    one of twenty-one children
    his mother the second wife

    "if you can't say something nice
    you'd better not say anything at all"

    because of him...i live


    ...

    Sunday, November 8, 2009

    my saint

    Cleo Call Clark


    "she had a hard life"
    i was told
    but i never heard her complain
    i would ask her snoopy questions
    intrigued by polygamy
    "just never you mind dear"

    a mixture of good with spunk
    bearing cinnamon rolls
    and thirteen children
    we pulled honey taffy
    together

    daughter of
    Anson B. Call and Mary Theresa Thompson
    grew up in Colonia Dublan polygamy
    happy

    she loved me
    referred to her husband as "daddy"
    his second living wife

    straight forward
    endured sever hardship
    ostracized and poor
    but i never heard her complain

    my dad used to say,
    "she never spoke an unkind word about anyone"
    now that's a tribute

    some have said
    i am most like her
    she thought so too

    she pieced and quilted two quilts for me
    crocheted around coat hangers
    helped me prepare a Sunday school talk
    completed my Primary pillow
    "i will bring the light of the gospel into my home"
    still on my bed
    stood by the organ and sang while i played
    a card for every birthday
    attended my plays

    she was there...
    only family member
    at my wedding reception
    traveling 625 miles
    she came, for me
    she will come for me again

    one time i ran away to her arms
    her home
    understanding and compassionate
    she told me others had come
    when i asked who
    "just never you mind dear"

    i love her


    ...

    Saturday, November 7, 2009

    1953



    ric rac embellished pinafore
    cinder block walls
    eighteen year old mother
    we look pleased
    enough

    hard to imagine
    being you
    doing grown-up stuff
    could i be
    enough

    or too much


    ...

    Friday, November 6, 2009

    just thinking...



    This girl is totally cracking me up. She loves her sleep but last night when she went to bed at seven I had to think it seemed a tad early. Granted it was dark outside, but her circadian rhythm is strong and this DST thing has thrown her and her mother for a loop.

    Then again she said that she woke up feeling very rested at five-thirty this morning. Who wouldn't?

    Her brother on the other hand didn't get to sleep until four-fourtyfive this morning. He is in LOVE and if he's not on the phone with his Lyndalove he is madly texting, studying, working with an occasional visit to the gym. You know what? I am going to hate to see this kid move out. He really is a delightful, patient, happy guy. Just look at those faces. You know neither of them are excited for a photo-op, but there they are #7 and #8 ... being good sports. She looks like someone threw a dirty diaper in her direction and he looks like the cat that swallowed the canary. I love REAL!

    I am crazy for my kids.
    -----------------------------------------






    Now these photos are a pretty good sampling of just how I spent my Halloween weekend. I look happy because I am. The thing I like a lot about being a grandma is hanging out with these neat little people. They are so much fun and smart. I can tell they don't get teased too much because when I kid around with them they just look at me with those innocent eyes and wonder.


    ---------------------------------------

    Today when I was reading Daniel chapter 6 I was inspired by king Darius' fasting for Daniel and then Darius not being able to sleep that night fearing for Daniel's safety. He told Daniel that he would be spared from those lions...Darius was stuck between a rock and a hard place as king...but, he had faith that Daniel's God would deliver Daniel from a terrible fate.




    19Then the king arose very early in the morning, and went in haste unto the den of lions.
     20And when he came to the den, he cried with a lamentable voice unto Daniel: and the king spake and said to Daniel, O Daniel, servant of the living God, is thy God, whom thou servest continually, able to deliver thee from the lions?
     21Then said Daniel unto the king, O king, live for ever.
     22My God hath sent his angel, and hath shut the lions' mouths, that they have not hurt me: forasmuch as before him innocency was found in me; and also before thee, O king, have I done no hurt.
     23Then was the king exceedingly glad for him, and commanded that they should take Daniel up out of the den. So Daniel was taken up out of the den, and no manner of hurt was found upon him, because he believed in his God.

    I love this sweet example of faith and goodness. I admire Daniel for praying three times daily even at the peril of his life. Consequences for those who attempted to ensnare Daniel seemed a little harsh...and that's putting it mildly. But, then again you don't go messing around with Light, Truth, and Justice.

    "Because he believed in his God, no manner of hurt was found upon him."

    I trust in that very Power.

    (thanks to Liz for the camera and downloading and shooting)


    ...

    Thursday, November 5, 2009

    celluloid



    shadows stretch
    daylight dwindles
    no recollection
    so long gone

    she smiles
    her mother cared
    hair is curled
    clean
    click

    a lost moment
    preserved
    black and white
    so long ago


    ...


    Wednesday, November 4, 2009

    keeping up with the joneses



    aka...evanses

    each year she is there
    climbing her ladder
    creating bright and beautiful

    we are simple
    a candle in each window
    we like it that way

    beating the storm
    she choses wisely
    works patiently unraveling lights

    sometimes she replaces
    floundering strings
    but, she does replace

    of course i joke
    there is no competition
    only admiration

    my only wish
    to live across the way
    to enjoy full on light and cheer


    ...


    Tuesday, November 3, 2009

    fulfillment









    all i ever wanted
    the most i could ever ask for
    to raise a child
    to Thee

    imperfection and impatience
    made it hard
    desire and love
    easy

    when did i know
    that my work and glory
    ran parallel
    to Thy will

    always, i think
    i always knew
    his name reflects
    humble prayer

    bone of my bones
    flesh of my flesh
    each one
    complete devotion


    ...

    Monday, November 2, 2009

    Halloween 2009





    Halloween booty
    strewn across table
    mama says take your pick
    they choose with care

    costume clutter abounds
    happy voices compare loot
    one small bag to keep
    the rest ... who knows

    big daddy helps out
    walking kiddo's door to door
    he's invested, scanning
    sweet Halloween prize



    ...

    Sunday, November 1, 2009

    real power



    five young girls
    one young boy
    fresh still, round downy faces
    some permanent teeth
    but, mostly baby
    all dressed in white

    there was no fanfare,
    fireworks, or dignitaries
    but what took place was
    truly astounding
    heavenly gates unlocked
    angels and witnesses

    all that really mattered
    happened
    pure, wet, shiny
    six priesthood daddy's
    mama's ever watchful
    guiding

    gappy smiles
    shake hands and embrace
    smiley eyes
    perfect trust and obedience
    angels...
    "behold your little ones"


    (in honor of Carter Reid Brasher's baptism)